The Journey

A funny thing happened a few months ago while I was standing in line to pick up the boys race packets for a kids fun run. I decided to run as well, but not the kids fun run... the half marathon. Which would be the next day. Which I hadn't trained for. At All. There was something about the energy at the race expo that seemed to slap me out the funk I had fallen into. I wanted to be one of the warriors who would hit the road for 13.1 miles. I had just gotten on the scale a few days prior and saw that I had reached my highest weight ever, even when pregnant... 200lbs*.

I decided that I may be a fat chick, but I am a fat chick that would run a half marathon.

I won't bore you with too many race details. I will say that I finished, though I was basically in tears and stumbling at mile 11, so very sick of EVERY song on my iPod. The amazing, cheering spectators gave me boosts of energy when I thought I couldn't go on. I crossed the finish line in a blazing 3 hours 14 minutes (speedwalkers were passing me at that point) but I felt like I had opened a door that had long been shut.

So that's where I've been the past few months... running.

My day now starts at 5:30AM. While the rest of the house sleeps, I sneak downstairs, put on my running clothes, quietly slip on my shoes and head out the door. For at least an hour, the early morning world is mine. The streets are mostly empty, I get to listen to MY music (which occasionally has a few swear words) and I am moving and thinking and sorting out things in my head. It is absolute bliss. And when I get home, sweaty and feeling like my cup has been filled... I see my lovely sleepy boys on the couch waiting for me.... and I am ready to pour my cup into theirs for the rest of the day.

It was just 6 years ago that I left my job, became a wife and a stay at home mother. They've been amazing and wonderful years, but I know that I got lost somewhere along the way when it came to caring for and nurturing myself. 6 pregnancies and 3 beautiful boys in 6 years had taken a toll. I wasn't just overweight, I was technically obese. I was suffering from my old nemesis, depression. Food was my go-to for comfort and relief from stress. A visit to an incredible psychiatrist and the tools of antidepressants helped me conquer the demons that I was struggling with. Weight Watchers showed me the way to healthier eating... and my runs, my blessed morning runs gave me back to myself.

I ran another half marathon a month ago, almost an hour faster than the one that started this journey. I've lost 35 lbs, with more to go. But most importantly, I am finally very, very happy in my own skin.

I have to be honest and say that I don't know where that leaves blogging in my life. I love the friends I have made (meaning YOU if you've read this far), though I feel awful that I haven't been able to peruse blogs as I used to. I started this blog to document my journey as a mother and my familys adventures. I'd like to keep doing that, though it will probably be with less frequency. I roll my eyes as I write this, as I realize that my header is still a chunk of ice from March ;}.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I've loved sharing it with you and I hope that we'll continue on it together.

Much Love and Gratitude,
Marina

* how's that for facing your demons... actually sharing a NUMBER??!! Just goes to show how much I love you guys :)

... Now :)

Spring Rain

The storm came up so very quick
It couldn't have been quicker.
I should have brought my hat along,
I should have brought my slicker.

My hair is wet, my feet are wet,
I couldn't be much wetter.
I fell into a river once
But this is even better.

-Spring Rain by Marchette Chute

It was raining today and oh, how I loved it so! The air felt so fresh to breathe in and all around us it felt like the earth had been given a gentle cleansing. On our street a small lake forms near our home and the boys enjoy a bit of puddle jumping

Neighbors smiled as they walked past these crazy little boys who were finding so much joy in the water


Luca Bean had fun with his brother's discarded boot

Nico took a moment to reflect ;}

These moments, so fleeting... of my boys being just little boys... finding such happiness in something so simple as a big puddle. I don't think my heart could feel any fuller.

Wishing you many moments of such joy!

Crafty Times

If Helena Bonham Carter had a crafting doppelganger, that person would be my friend Najma. You may remember Najma, of fabulous monokini fame... this woman never fails to blow me away with her creativity! Last week my crafty pals had another get together and Najma didn't disappoint with her incredible ability to think outside the box when it comes handwork. Najma's new project is to knit a vest using strips of denim... really. It was quite a sight to see her ripping strips of an old pair of jeans. Denim was flying everywhere and it was like Edward Scissorhands meets Martha Stewart! It was truly awe-inspiring!

Jenny was crocheting flowers for her square in a community quilt using an impossibly tiny crochet hook. That woman has some serious skills.


Our lovely hostess Andrea, was working on fingerless gloves


I tried needlepoint for the first time with Alicia Paulson's Pleasant Kitchen Dishtowel pattern


Our crafting get-togethers are never complete without some yummy pastry action, and this time was no different with a tart to celebrate the gorgeous Courtney's birthday :)


As Andrea is also the mother to boys, I always love visiting her home to see what wonderful boy-ness is going on. I was absolutely charmed this time to walk in and see a tee-pee set up in the living room.


Sam Cooke and Mos Def provided the soundtrack to our morning (courtesy of Jenny's husband's cool site Mog!)... I truly felt so lucky to have such a wonderful group of women to spend time with.

Thank you to all my crafty friends, near and far, for your energy and inspiration!

Simple Play

Maybe it's because we're just getting off of a long period of rainy days spent indoors, but I've been feeling overwhelmed by all the toys, art stuff and general kid clutter that has been taking over our house. I came to the realization that we really do have too much stuff! From the simple things like constantly having to step over toys that always seem to find their way to the floor to never being able to find one of three (!!) pairs of kid scissors because they are buried under piles of papers and crayons... I just really felt like our enough was too much, so I've started the process of letting go.

The hardest things to let go of have been the toys. The beautiful, Waldorf wooden toys. When the toy safety issues and recalls made headlines years ago, I became much more mindful of the kinds of toys I wanted my boys to play with. It was at that time that I learned about Waldorf education and wanted to surround my children with these breathtakingly beautiful pieces of art that were Waldorf toys. I wanted the toys that they touch to be natural and warm. But sometimes too much of a good thing, can still be too much. I've come to realize that having these playthings, as nice as they are, do not make a Waldorf family. It's about my sons and letting them be who they are. It's about Ivan and I supporting them, stepping back probably more than we're used to... and it's about giving them an environment where their imaginations can run free.

My dear friend Christine Schreier is an artisan who makes beautiful Waldorf dolls. She once told me a story about being at a Waldorf School Faire and having a mother approach her at her booth. It appeared that the woman was having a difficult time choosing a doll for her daughter. After asking her questions about the child's favorite colors and preferences, Christine learned that the child already had 10 dolls! So proving herself to be the worst salesperson ever (but probably wisest adviser), Christine gently explained to the woman that to her daughter, those 10 dolls were 10 children for her to care for, FAR too many for anyone to handle! The woman was visibly relieved to not have the burden to choose one... but came back later to buy one for herself! I think too often as parents, we buy for our children what we want for ourselves. I know that I have been very guilty of that and that while my sons have enjoyed the pretty toys to some extent, having so many of them have made them each less special.

Luca and his baby

So I've spent the past week gathering up the toys that I thought all good Waldorf families have... wooden blocks of all kinds, doll furniture, European games and I've sold them. It was hard at first, I kept thinking "what if the boys miss them!" or ridiculously "are they going to miss out on learning something if we don't have it?!"... it should come as no surprise that neither of those things has happened. Instead, our savings account is much healthier from the recent infusion of cash and more importantly, it feels like we can finally breathe in our space. The boys have rediscovered toys that have been invisible through the abundance of too much. Admittedly, there are toys that I love too much to let go of, but at least I recognize that they are for me. Getting rid of the toys has been healthy. I'm learning to become less attached to these things. For a long time, they had represented a lifestyle that I had wanted for my family, but I realize now that they were getting in the way of it.

In the book, Simplicity Parenting, author Kim John Payne writes :

By simplifying, you've taken steps to curb the excess that threatens childhood's natural rhythms and growth, By starting at home- embracing experience over things, and "enough" rather than always more- you've made room. You've cleared out space, literally and emotionally. You've made a container for relationship and the slow unfolding of childhood. you've allowed room for your child's own imagination and play.

I found this to be so true in our experience. It was a long and hard process to go through it all, sort it out and rearrange, but we felt rewarded in the evening when the boys (who had spent the entire weekend bickering and fighting) playing happily and cooperatively in their playstands.

"Pretend you're the pirate on the top bunk, I'll be the one on the bottom"
"Pretend this is our home, I'll be the daddy, Luca can be the baby"
...with many giggles ensuing

It was all joyful music to our ears and it felt like we made the steps closer to what we want for our happy home.

An Adventure at Ano Nuevo

Last week, Matteo, Nico and I took advantage of the gorgeous weather here in California to go visit the elephant seals at Ano Nuevo State Park. From December to March, the Northern elephant seals come to the park for breeding season. It's really an amazing experience to be able to see the seals in their habitat.

We were able to witness a few bull seals fighting for dominance and access to breed with the female seals.


We did see some seals mating. I have to say that I was a bit relieved that the boys were not at all curious for an explanation of what was happening (at least this year).


By late December, many of the females have given birth to the pups that had been conceived the previous year. It was very sweet to see them nursing their young.


At some points during the almost 4 mile guided hike, I think the boys were just happy to sit and play in the sand


On the way back to the nature center, there was an outpost where we could learn more about the elephant seals


and their population


It was an incredibly fun and educational trip for all of us. Now that the boys are older, they seem to get so much out of learning about the world through being able to see and experience it. I really do feel so fortunate to be in a place where these experiences are readily available.


Wishing you all many glorious adventures!

Holiday Wrapping {Up}

ahhh... the end of a very big year of change.

I look back on the year and I just feel like there was so much movement. It was so very nice to have the holidays to ground us with tradition and also time with each other as a family.

St Nicholas Day

We had our first Christmas at home with just the boys and Ivan and I and it was nice to start making our own traditions.

The boys wearing their Christmas PJ's

There were joyful times with visits from extended family and day trips to celebrate with my parents.

Nico and his beloved Lola

I realized during this time how rich I am with so many amazing people in my life that bless me with their friendships. During the break from our normal routine, it was wonderful to share in the holiday spirit with them

Making cookies at my friend Jenny's beautiful, warm home


...with her adorable son close-by to assist :)


A wonderful morning of playdate mayhem at our house with almost a dozen kids running around, but SO worth it to have these yummy little ones to sit on my lap and their mamas to visit with!
Thank you Nicola, Liz and Robin!

Santa and the Birthday Fairy were quite generous this year and I received a pretty red ring... a Canon L series lens


Which I was able to take into San Francisco (all by myself!) for the day to practice new techniques I've been working on

panning the camera to keep an object in motion in focus

shooting in manual mode to learn how to create the silky waterfall effect


and time to play in Union Square

It was a lovely holiday season and a wonderful way to wrap up a busy year.
I'm wishing you, my friends, a magical year full of love and joy!

Merriment and Warmth

After a long hiatus, my beloved Inspiration Circle got together this past week for a few hours of crafting and fun. It was really wonderful to spend some time at my friend Andrea's gorgeous home which is full of creativity and handmade love. I thought I'd share a few images of the works of my talented friends and the lovely setting we gathered in...

Emanuela brought her charming knitted Christmas elves!

Najma showed off the gorgeous knits that she will be selling at a local crafts faire

Andrea works on the socks her son requested for Christmas (isn't that sweet?!)


and I worked on a few tiny Waldorf dollheads to be made into finger puppets :)

There is always so much inspiration to be found in Andrea's beautiful home. She made this fantastic Advent Calendar by hanging envelopes simply stamped...

...filled with holiday daily activities

I love the gorgeous knit tulips that she makes as gifts!

As our home doesn't have a fireplace or mantel, I really do take pleasure in hers so happily decorated for the holidays

As always, it was such a joy to take time out of our busy days to simply sit and bask in the warmth of friendship. Listening to Emanuela share a tomato sauce recipe in her lyrical Italian voice, watching knitting needles busily flying... it's nourishment to my soul.

Thank you my dear, crafty mama friends near and far for sharing your talents and inspiration. I hope that all of you are having a wonderful holiday season full of love and light!