Monday, April 26, 2010

Moment to Moment


I had the most amazing time a few days ago hiking up in the hills. It seems like it's been months since I've been able to get out into nature on my own. Last week I had been feeling low, it always takes me a few days to recalibrate after Ivan's been gone. I found it hard to breathe, to focus, to do anything other than try to survive one moment to the next and take care of my boys. With Ivan home, it finally felt like I could exhale.

We took the boys back to our small, gentle beach last Sunday. You could see the love and peace in Ivan's face to be back with his family

I've been spending a lot of time watching in wonder as my boys get older. Luca has been having so much fun with his older brothers playing and laughing with them. He really likes being one of the gang. I am amazed at how my baby just doesn't seem so much like a baby anymore

... and my Matteo... sigh, my oldest son, Matteo. This past week has been a flurry of activity getting all the forms, medical records and paperwork for Kindergarten registration. In all honesty I've been anxious. He's been in the protective cocoon of our home and care, with a few days a week at a loving, small preschool. Soon he'll be in a much bigger place and while I know he can handle it, I worry more over whether I can. So if any of you been there, done that mamas have any words of advice and consolation, I'd love to hear them.

In the meantime, I'll just keep hiking and working this all out within myself. Thank you all so much for your very kind and supportive comments and emails when I face my husband-less weekends. I feel like such a wimp compared to those whose husbands travel regularly for work. For those of you who are in that situation, my deepest admiration.

Wishing you all a blessed and wonderful week

13 comments:

Kelly and Kelly said...

I'm glad he's back and all is well. I don't do very well without mine either and I don't know how people that do it more often get through it.

Nicole Spring (Frontier Dreams) said...

You are NOT a wimp. Ok I just had to say that first! :) <3 No matter how many times Kevin goes away I can't adjust.
I love the picture of clouds.. and well all of them of course. We have been spending a lot of time hiking too and I am LOVING it.
I'm gonna try to call you this week so we can catch up. Ok, I'll stop rambling now. I miss you!! <3 <3 <3

Nicole Benjamin said...

Thank you for sharing these quiet thoughts and moments. The photo of your husband and child brought tears to my eyes. Take care mama.

Stephanie said...

I've missed you this past week! This post brought tears to my eyes...daddy pic is so lovely. I sent my oldest to kindergarten last fall, AND just finished my mat leave to return to work as...a kindergarten teacher! My son LOVES school. And I love my students! I treasure them and know that their moms and dads are trusting me to respect their individuality, cherish their little spirits, and protect what's unique and wonderful about them as children. Do what is best for your family. Smile bravely as you kiss him goodbye, and your courage will lend him courage. And get yourself a copy of the book "The Kissing Hand"! Love the humanity of your blog...I connect with you as a not-always-perfect but always-loving mother. So glad to see you're a follower of my blog! Thrilled, really!

Joy said...

Love the photo of papa with his boy. So sweet! I have very much been where you are. It's been a few years, but I remember those feelings. I might even be a worse wreck when Finn starts school. ((hugs)) It's a big adjustment and both you and he will do fabulous!

renee ~ heirloom seasons said...

Dear Marina, I have missed visiting you here, you have given me such a peaceful feeling, thank you so much. I did not know Ivan was away, you probably remember last autumn when Jason was gone for 3 weeks, I so understand how you feel, including being impressed by the woman who are so strong and able to handle it regularly. (We will never do that again!)
I love to hear of your small, gentle beach!
Lots of love, Renee

裕以 said...

真是感人肺腑的文章~~........................................

茂恒 said...

真是好文呀~~給你拍拍手再加分!!!........................................

Jessica said...

Your photos are always filled with so much love. And, your boys are so beautiful.

I wish Benjamin could find a group of boys to befriend who are as kind and gentle as your little ones.

Oh! I understand how you must be feeling about sending your sweet boy to kindergarten. You are one among many many women who have had to adjust. Everything will be okay. Go ahead and shed some tears...you wouldn't be a very good mama if you didn't suffer some kindergarten-related anxiety, right? :)

Nicola (Which Name?) said...

Our internet has been down since early Tuesday morning, so I am just catching up, Marina. I called you earlier today, before even seeing this post, but your line was busy.
Call me if you want to talk. I would love to chat with you about the transitions and the up and down. Been going through my own worries about kindergarten and the year is almost over for Lala. I think it is a forever thing when you become a mamma, and in the end, that is a very good thing. I am trying to remember to slow down, listen, act with love, and trust that I will know the signs and hear the words if things are not right for her (and Finnian).
Huge hugs,
Nicola

Simple Mama said...

You're boys are so darling. I can't get over the crazy dark mops of hair on them. Gorgeous. I too have a hard time when my husband leaves. As much as I like to think of myself as a self sufficient woman, his absence really drives home how much I've come to depend on him over the course of our marriage. I've been thinking about you much this past week, and praying for peace and calm to your life. Blessings.

Minnie Pak said...

Hey, Marina, here's a little something I did for Thomas when he entered a new preschool 2 years ago and it made me feel better. I wrote a little "essay" about Thomas and all the great things he does and all the great things that he still needs to learn to do, and all his wonderful little quirks, and all the things that he struggles with, and why I love him so much, etc. It made me feel better to know that his teachers knew all about him and could keep these things in mind when working with him. It gave them an idea of how he ticks and what approach they could use when engaging him.

The downside to that, of course, it that the teacher may "classify" Matteo before she even knows him, but I think the benefits would outweigh the disadvantages if you are honest in what you write.

Just a suggestion from this been there, done that Mama! :)

helene said...

Hello, I am just passing, but had to tell you how the picture of your husband with your child just took my breath away. There is so much strong peace in it one would like to bottle it and drink it when the need arises...
For the record, my husband is away every week for work but is home every week-end and I know from experience that week-ends without him are the times I dread most. Week days are routine with school and everything, week-ends are something else, so I hope you don't have too many of those.
Hélène