Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Journey

A funny thing happened a few months ago while I was standing in line to pick up the boys race packets for a kids fun run. I decided to run as well, but not the kids fun run... the half marathon. Which would be the next day. Which I hadn't trained for. At All. There was something about the energy at the race expo that seemed to slap me out the funk I had fallen into. I wanted to be one of the warriors who would hit the road for 13.1 miles. I had just gotten on the scale a few days prior and saw that I had reached my highest weight ever, even when pregnant... 200lbs*.

I decided that I may be a fat chick, but I am a fat chick that would run a half marathon.

I won't bore you with too many race details. I will say that I finished, though I was basically in tears and stumbling at mile 11, so very sick of EVERY song on my iPod. The amazing, cheering spectators gave me boosts of energy when I thought I couldn't go on. I crossed the finish line in a blazing 3 hours 14 minutes (speedwalkers were passing me at that point) but I felt like I had opened a door that had long been shut.

Before... Oakland Half Marathon

So that's where I've been the past few months... running.

My day now starts at 5:30AM. While the rest of the house sleeps, I sneak downstairs, put on my running clothes, quietly slip on my shoes and head out the door. For at least an hour, the early morning world is mine. The streets are mostly empty, I get to listen to MY music (which occasionally has a few swear words) and I am moving and thinking and sorting out things in my head. It is absolute bliss. And when I get home, sweaty and feeling like my cup has been filled... I see my lovely sleepy boys on the couch waiting for me.... and I am ready to pour my cup into theirs for the rest of the day.

It was just 6 years ago that I left my job, became a wife and a stay at home mother. They've been amazing and wonderful years, but I know that I got lost somewhere along the way when it came to caring for and nurturing myself. 6 pregnancies and 3 beautiful boys in 6 years had taken a toll. I wasn't just overweight, I was technically obese. I was suffering from my old nemesis, depression. Food was my go-to for comfort and relief from stress. A visit to an incredible psychiatrist and the tools of antidepressants helped me conquer the demons that I was struggling with. Weight Watchers showed me the way to healthier eating... and my runs, my blessed morning runs gave me back to myself.

I ran another half marathon a month ago, almost an hour faster than the one that started this journey. I've lost 35 lbs, with more to go. But most importantly, I am finally very, very happy in my own skin.


I have to be honest and say that I don't know where that leaves blogging in my life. I love the friends I have made (meaning YOU if you've read this far), though I feel awful that I haven't been able to peruse blogs as I used to. I started this blog to document my journey as a mother and my familys adventures. I'd like to keep doing that, though it will probably be with less frequency. I roll my eyes as I write this, as I realize that my header is still a chunk of ice from March ;}.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I've loved sharing it with you and I hope that we'll continue on it together.

Much Love and Gratitude,

* how's that for facing your demons... actually sharing a NUMBER??!! Just goes to show how much I love you guys :)

After... See Jane Run Half

... Now :)