Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Journey

A funny thing happened a few months ago while I was standing in line to pick up the boys race packets for a kids fun run. I decided to run as well, but not the kids fun run... the half marathon. Which would be the next day. Which I hadn't trained for. At All. There was something about the energy at the race expo that seemed to slap me out the funk I had fallen into. I wanted to be one of the warriors who would hit the road for 13.1 miles. I had just gotten on the scale a few days prior and saw that I had reached my highest weight ever, even when pregnant... 200lbs*.

I decided that I may be a fat chick, but I am a fat chick that would run a half marathon.

I won't bore you with too many race details. I will say that I finished, though I was basically in tears and stumbling at mile 11, so very sick of EVERY song on my iPod. The amazing, cheering spectators gave me boosts of energy when I thought I couldn't go on. I crossed the finish line in a blazing 3 hours 14 minutes (speedwalkers were passing me at that point) but I felt like I had opened a door that had long been shut.

Before... Oakland Half Marathon


So that's where I've been the past few months... running.


My day now starts at 5:30AM. While the rest of the house sleeps, I sneak downstairs, put on my running clothes, quietly slip on my shoes and head out the door. For at least an hour, the early morning world is mine. The streets are mostly empty, I get to listen to MY music (which occasionally has a few swear words) and I am moving and thinking and sorting out things in my head. It is absolute bliss. And when I get home, sweaty and feeling like my cup has been filled... I see my lovely sleepy boys on the couch waiting for me.... and I am ready to pour my cup into theirs for the rest of the day.

It was just 6 years ago that I left my job, became a wife and a stay at home mother. They've been amazing and wonderful years, but I know that I got lost somewhere along the way when it came to caring for and nurturing myself. 6 pregnancies and 3 beautiful boys in 6 years had taken a toll. I wasn't just overweight, I was technically obese. I was suffering from my old nemesis, depression. Food was my go-to for comfort and relief from stress. A visit to an incredible psychiatrist and the tools of antidepressants helped me conquer the demons that I was struggling with. Weight Watchers showed me the way to healthier eating... and my runs, my blessed morning runs gave me back to myself.

I ran another half marathon a month ago, almost an hour faster than the one that started this journey. I've lost 35 lbs, with more to go. But most importantly, I am finally very, very happy in my own skin.



Races


I have to be honest and say that I don't know where that leaves blogging in my life. I love the friends I have made (meaning YOU if you've read this far), though I feel awful that I haven't been able to peruse blogs as I used to. I started this blog to document my journey as a mother and my familys adventures. I'd like to keep doing that, though it will probably be with less frequency. I roll my eyes as I write this, as I realize that my header is still a chunk of ice from March ;}.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I've loved sharing it with you and I hope that we'll continue on it together.

Much Love and Gratitude,
Marina

* how's that for facing your demons... actually sharing a NUMBER??!! Just goes to show how much I love you guys :)


After... See Jane Run Half


... Now :)










25 comments:

cat said...

oh marina.....you are such a true inspiration. i swear!! i am so proud of you and even more so, inspired! i hate running, always have...but lately i've been feeling like i need some kind of release that i know it would provide. almost 9 years ago i started staying home as a mom, and yes, many pregnancies and 2 girls later i struggle with identity issues as well. as much as i love my family, i forgot who i am and am just now finding her again. maybe it's time to get some shoes and hit the trails.....love you mama...thank you thank you thank you. this post is speaking to my heart! xoxoxoxo

Ivan said...

You are amazing sweetie. You are incredibly strong, as well. I'm going to throw a number in here as well: A resting heart rate in the 40's. That's a big, strong hearted endurance athlete. You have done so much the last few years, and I'm impressed and relieved to see you are catching your breath.

momma rae said...

good for you, marina! you look amazing! i am struggling with coming back to my blog, too. life is so very, very full. i have enjoyed visiting you here very much and wish you all the best. xoxo

rainblissed said...

Damn! You're gorgeous. I'm so in awe of you, dear. Tomorrow is R's big interview day in Mountain View. We're on pins and needles...and hoping to join you and your runnin' shoes very, very soon!! Hugs, love and light to you.

sam said...

Marina,

All I can say is wow! You continue to amaze me with all that you are and all that you do.

You are very much admired and loved!

Freedom Three said...

so great! maybe even great enough to inspire me to get up and run! i use to workout before my first child, but it's 3 children later now...maybe, just maybe. thanks for the post.

Woodspritemama said...

and we love you! so, so good for you and your soul~ i get the blog thing ~ good to be out there living this beautiful life ~ hugs dear mama ~ xo

Jen said...

You are such an inspiration - as a woman, mother, friend, writer, photographer, runner, and much, much more. xoxo, jen

boatbaby said...

Truly amazing, thank you for sharing this. I have some post-children number issues myself :)
And I have to say every time I read your husband's comments I am filled with warmth.
The blog should not be a job, but a joy. Do it when the spirit moves you. :)

Kelly Jane said...

You are an inspiration, Marina! Your smile radiates the rewards of your commitment, discipline, & heart. Love you for sharing, as I'm squashing an old nemesis of my own. Off to find my old running shoes, so maybe one day I can join you out there!

Nicola said...

You are awesome, my friend. Your journey has been a lot more than that and you are amazing. And the chunk of ice...was appropriate until a week or so ago, right? ;)
Nicola

Annie@Imagination said...

ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE MARINA!!! THANK YOU for sharing. thank you thank you thank you. I NEED to get running again -- and you've really motived me... and because I love you too -- my number is higher than yours at the moment... I keep telling myself to be gentle with myself since my baby is only 5 1/2 months old -- but the line between gentle and lazy is blurry!!

thank you -- and WAY TO GO! keep it up - and I for one would LOVE to see you keep blogging, but I can soo apreciate where you're at!

xo

Meadow said...

Very inspiring! Congrats on sticking with it. I am so glad to hear things are well for you.

Lisa said...

I've been thinking of you a lot lately. wondering how you are. and now i know! you've been running! i've been thinking of getting back into it myself. i used to run 6 days a week before i had kids. now that they are 9 and 11, i have more time for myself. you are an inspiration, Marina!!! and such a hot mama!!!!! perhaps we'll pass on the street in our running shoes one day!
hugs
lisa

HeatherLee said...

awesome. You look amazing. I followed a pin at pinterest over here.

Tahara said...

I am very proud of you Marina and your story is so inspiring!...You look GREAT by the way :-)

Amber Greene said...

Marina, I have just found your blog again through a beautiful picture of yours on flicker and what a story to restart with. What a picture of transformation you are- truly wonderful! Thank you so much for sharing. Amber (MamaMoontime)

Alycia in Va. said...

That's so awesome. You are an inspiration.

helene said...

Just passing to say how relieved I am to read how well you are and that the reason you had not posted in so long was a good one.
I check your blog very regularly and was, very simply, worried. Thanks for posting an update and even if you don't post much in the future, I will keep visiting... I have been thinking of running again in the past year, hopefully your example will help me put thoughts into action!
Bravo for your willpower, thanks again for sharing the happy results,
Hélène

messyfish said...

you look happy and healthy and awesome! what an inspiring story

Erika said...

Wow! Good for you, in all respects, Marina. I'm on the same path, but slower because running just HURTS no matter how I do it. Very inspired by your journey!

healing hillary said...

So awesome and inspiring! Yes, you mama...you are awesome and inspiring!

Love and well wishes as I pick up my running shoes too :).

Grace McClymont said...

Wow, look at you go! I have loved looking at the photos on your blog, and find your stories inspiring. I am a mum of three in Australia, and it amazes me how much encouragement there is to be had from mums all over the globe! I only wish I was up to running a marathon! Congratulations and thanks!

grace

arthousemum.blogspot.com

zusjes said...

Dear Marina, I found a picture of a Waldorf home on Pinterest, clicked on it and came to your blog. I only read this post. With tears in my eyes. Your words could be mine...
I'm a mother of three beautiful daughters, and though I feel blessed, I know the feeling of losing yourself along the way. And I started running too recently (partly because of growing too big too).
I wish you all the best in the world, I know where you where and where you stand now.
You can do it, it's tough sometimes, but you can do it!!

bella celestial said...

Wow, I just stumbled upon your blog and your marathon story is so touching and beautiful. You are such a good example and You even brought me to tears. You look beautiful but before I even saw your last and recent photo, you were an beautiful human already. Thank you for your post even if it was some time ago.