I've been in my mental cocoon lately. A time of absorbing the wisdom of others. Reading, listening and observing. A friend had passed along this article that discusses how as mothers, we often get caught up in the "busyness" of our work instead of relishing the joy of just being with our kids. That truly opened my eyes, as I had forgotten the supreme privilege I have in being able to stay at home full-time as a mother. So I started a journey this month of mindfulness. I've been learning to silence the voice in my head that tells me that the dishes are dirty, closets are cluttered and the laundry unfolded. I'm learning to gently remind it that I am busy building a castle with Nico or watching Matteo paint, or inviting to it to silence so we can hear our little Luca Bean sing as he plays with his toys....and it is a beautiful thing. I've learned that when I am listening to that voice, that's when I feel the most frustrated at not being able to do it ALL. That's when I am quick to anger for the mischief that little boys do and I realize that my little boys voices are much more important than the one chastising me for a messy house.
This has a been a wondrous and difficult time. I mean, this voice has been with me for quite some time. It doesn't just stop at telling me I need to be a better homemaker, it's the one which tells me I'll feel better if I just buy that vintage Ostheimer piece (that I can't afford and definitely don't need) or that eating that pint of Karmel Sutra will take away whatever hurt/frustration/anger/sadness that I don't want to feel. The voice originates from my history, my experiences... it comes from me, so there is a gentleness and respect I also need to afford it . I realized that I let myself go on autopilot letting the voice guide me rather than letting myself feel what is going on right now. So I've been very silent, immersing myself into every moment, trying to infuse my actions with a mindfulness guided by my heart.
So you can see, this is a pretty big journey that I am on. The voice seems to have a say in so many aspects of my life. I hope you don't mind as I share this journey with you. I'd love to know if you have a similar voice that resides with you ... or am I just a crazy person hearing voices :}? How do you silence it? How do you go about living your life fully and awake?
As Always With Love,