Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Waiting

My sister in law summed up these past few weeks pretty perfectly for us:

"nothing like a roller coaster ride you didn't know you were in line for"

umm, exactly

My hCG levels went up and though they didn't double, it still gives us some hope for this pregnancy. We had been expecting the worst and now, well... we just are trying not to expect anything. I'm finding it a hard line to walk... I want to talk to the little baby inside of me, give it encouragement and love, let it know that we'd be so excited to have it join us, but I'm also afraid to get too close, to become too attached to a dream that could be short lived.

I have an ultrasound later this week as the next step. Tomorrow is Matteo's birthday and then we have to get ready for his big party on Sunday, so there are a lot of really joyful things to keep us occupied.

So for now, we're just waiting...

I really wanted to thank everyone again for all of the love and support. The comments and emails I've received have given me so much comfort. I feel so incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful community of friends. Thanks so much for holding my hand during this ride.

Sensing my sadness the past week, Matteo put together this bowl of flower petals and leaves for me. He offered it to me last night and simply said "this is to heal your heart". I told him that at that moment, my heart was feeling pretty full.


All my love and gratitude,
Marina



13 comments:

Grace said...

You sure have a sweet boy.

Thinking of you.

Thanks for letting us all know what is going on.

Funny, we have a little birthday around here too - and a party on Sunday afternoon. Happy birthday Matteo!

Wishing you peace...no matter what happens.

cat said...

oh sweetie..i was just going to email you and see how you are doing. hang in there....maybe the baby is just a slow starter..:) *hugs* whatever you need from me, i'm here for you sweetheart...the roller coaster ride is never fun. talk to your bean and tell him/her to grow strong.

are you having any symptoms at all? i know you'd be super early...

love you m...

xoxo

renee ~ heirloom seasons said...

Oh my goodness, Matteo's words are too sweet! Still thinking of you often, still sending thoughts of love and well being!

onasilentsea said...

what a sweet little boy!

gardenmama said...

your sons words and gift to you brought tears to my eyes. I have been thinking of you this week Marina, my prayers are with you and your family. xoxo

Annie said...

Oh, thinking of you. My early HCG numbers for this pregnancy weren't good either, they were rising but not doubling, but here I am 41+weeks pregnant and waiting to have a baby finally. There is still hope, though I know from my own miscarriages that it's hard to hold onto that hope and yet also protect yourself knowing that there are no promises either.

((hugs))

nicola said...

marina,
matteo (and nico and luca) is (are) just the sweetest. you can't get much better than a child bringing you flowers!
i am not sure if hopeful stories are helpful or too hopeful, but finnian apparently didn't exist according to several pregnancy tests (including 2 blood tests). when i finally went to my doctor because i hadn't had a period in weeks and i still felt all the early pregnancy signs, they did an ultrasound and found him.

warmest of virtual hugs, nicola
http://whichname.blogspot.com

onehookwonder said...

I've been hoping for you and thinking of you. Here's continued hope and hugs. :)

hillary said...

in my thoughts. thanks for the update.

tender flowers...what a gentle soul.

peace,
hillary

jumbleberryjam said...

Warm, loving hugs to you, Mama. Please give Matteo a special thank you hug from us, too...for taking such good care of his Mama. And a Happy Birthday hug tomorrow. Will continue holding your hopes close to our hearts and waiting with you.

Rebecca said...

continued hopes and prayers from over here, too.

I really think it's impossible not to get attached... so i say talk to that babe as much as you can... I really feel its made a difference with my current pregnancy.

Lizz said...

Thinkg of you. Let me know if you need anything, as I'm a birthworker.

Blesiings and Love~

Marina said...

I am so overwhelmed by how wonderful you all are with your encouragement and blessings!

Nicola and Annie- thank you for your hopeful stories, they've lifted my heart up so much

No matter what tomorrow brings (and it could just be more waiting)... I am grateful for all of you. I'm looking forward to some breathing room and a little more mental space so I can catch up with YOUR lives on your blogs! You are all dear friends and I appreciate the love you've shared

xoxo, Marina