I'm trying to figure out why the universe pitched us this curveball. I'm asking myself what lesson can I take away from this (because there's a reason for everything, right?). Ivan and I now realize how much room there is in our hearts, homes and lives for another baby and that maybe we'll be blessed with one later. But I think more importantly for me, I'm learning to understand and accept shortcomings from others. What was the hardest thing to deal with was the silence and lack of support from where I thought it would or should be- leaving someone a message in tears and not getting a call back, being quoted Doris Day ("Que Sera, Sera")... it left me feeling alone and empty. The epiphany I had today was that I vowed that I was going to raise my boys to be different. To be the kind of people who openly and generously show their love and support for those they care for. Even if it's just to say "I don't know what to say, but I care and am here for you". My lofty ambition is not to have my boys become captains of industry, but rather simply to be caring individuals with emotional intelligence. I know it starts with me and so I'm working on letting go of the anger and focusing on my beautiful, magical boys.
I wanted to thank you, my wonderful community of friends near and far for being with me during this time. You are what helped me get through the tougher moments. Up until recently, it was always easier to just post pictures of pretty toys and write about the lovelier things... I now know that at times it's OK to be honest and share what's in my heart. I'm serving up some tea and apple tart for whenever you want to drop by, curl up your feet and visit.
You are dear and special friends.
Love and Gratitude,