Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Self Portrait


I've been feeling a bit funky these days. In terms of physical health, I'm fine... and I'm not in a funk, per se ... but have just had an odd feeling of quiet but yet change coming. It's a new time in my life. I've spent most of the past 5 years pregnant....in constant anticipation of miraculous, wonderful new life. I suppose that it's not so different now, but the new life I am anticipating is my own.

I have to be honest in that as much as I live and breathe for my family, I've really been craving something for me. I'm spending more time working on my photography. running. letting myself get lost in my own head and thoughts about my own plans for the future.

I have to admit that my absence here and visiting other blogs is in large part due to guilt. So many bloggers are on such magical journeys with their children. I love being with my boys and we do have splendid fun together, but oftentimes I've felt that our day to day activities just don't seem all that blogworthy.


So I guess I am offering an apology for my quiet as I find my footing and path in this journey of life. I have so much gratitude for you, my friends who are always there to lend a hand to hold, shoulder to cry on or even a high five when things are going great. You inspire me...and I hope you know this isn't a goodbye, just an explanation that I'm vacationing in my head

Resting in the silence for now...


With Warmth and Blessings~
Marina

19 comments:

糟糕啦 said...

真正的愛心,是照顧好自己的這顆心。 ..................................................

Kelly and Kelly said...

I'm sure your days are blogworthy. But if you feel the need for a break then you need to honor that.

Best of luck on this new journey!

Jessica said...

Take your time. The blogosphere isn't going anywhere. :)

See you when you stop by again...'til then, enjoy the solitude.

Lynn said...

Marina - I have been lurking here for a couple of days, savoring your archives and admiring your photography. When I read this post, I almost gasped because you articulated perfectly what I've been dealing with. I'm 46 years old and the mother of boys who are about to turn five and 12, and for months now I have felt a powerful midlife yearning to be Doing Something Else. I don't want to stop mothering and homeschooling but I must confess that I need something more now. And most of the blogs I read are written by much younger mothers who have heaps of energy and enthusiasm and a single-pointed focus; as a result, I start feeling that I am failing my children when I fantasize about not making them the 24-7 center of my universe. Yet I think it's time, whether it's my age urging me on or perhaps just because I've been at this job for twelve years!

Thank you so very much for this, and best of luck as you find your path. xo Lynn

lyneya said...

Blogs are strange. They let you cherry-pick what to show the world. In 30 mins a week I could make it look like I am super-mom with enriching activities, crafting, cooking, a full-time career. In the other 10,050 minutes in the week, the reality is that there are usually dirty dishes, unmade beds for weeks on end, STILL boxes in the living room from 2 months ago, emergency laundry thrown in the dryer as I collapse into bed, newly single mama just trying to figure things out.

That was the long way of saying that blogs are deceiving! I fell in love with your blog for the pictures. You've clearly found your passion and it's GOOD for kids to see a strong, passionate mama who loves them AND has her own life. You'd change the world for them, but that doens't mean you can't change it for yourself a little too!! :-D Good luck on your new endeavors!!

childhood magic said...

Your self portrait is so soulful and touching. You have a beautiful depth in your eyes---follow whichever path is calling you now!

Nicole Spring said...

<3 I am so happy to see your beautiful face!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a truthful and inspiring post. I do, a lot of times, feel like I have lost myself in family life. I love my family and love being a mama but I miss me.. sounds kinda crazy huh? Anyways, thank you for this refreshing post. I miss you so so so much!!!!!!!!!!

cat said...

hey beautiful lady....we are all here when you are ready! i understand your concept of a new journey as i feel that this is a year of re-discovery for myself as well....

i'll be sending good journey vibes to you and just know that you are not traveling all alone..

xoxox

Jen said...

Good for you, Marina. I'm in a similar place. Nothing wrong with enjoying your own horizon now and then. We know you are 100% devoted to your family. Good luck on your journey!

Jenne said...

I can relate so well to your need to anticipate "you". I've been on that journey for awhile myself, and it's a very important and worthwhile one!

As far as blog-worthy days, well, you saw how short lived mine was! I just never felt that I had much of interest to put out there! I've always found your posts inspiring so when you do feel the urge to put something new up, I'll look forward to reading it. Much love, Marina!

Joy said...

I've missed seeing you around here! I know what you mean about the blogosphere. I sometimes feel like our days/weeks aren't that interesting either. I try to remind myself that the biggest reason I blog is to document my kids' lives for them, followed by connection to other like-minded moms. If my week isn't overly interesting, it's ok. It's still a part of our life. ((hugs, Marina!)) That first shot is absolutely gorgeous, btw.

nicola@which name? said...

beautiful beautiful marina. i can't wait to get together. and you have described exactly how i felt a year ago.can share more offline if you are interested, but know that i understand.
hugs,
nicola
http://whichname.blogspot.com

renee ~ heirloom seasons said...

Oh Marina, how beautiful you are inside and out.
Enjoy your quietness... xoxo

jumbleberryjam said...

Such gorgeous photos. Such a beautiful woman. I think of you often and miss our talks. Sending you love and light.

Jenna said...

I loved your self portrait. And I can't help but feel that you are exactly where you need to be...in your head, creating/dreaming. You are your own midwife now.
Blessings to you where ever you may be heading...

Earth Mama said...

I think a lot of people are being pulled away from cyber world as of late and being called more into the present. That's how I've been feeling lately. I haven't gotten around much to visit other's blogs too much. For me blogging comes in little spurts, sometimes I'm on, others not so much I feel like writing about. Like someone said up there...blogworld isn't going anywhere...take as much time as you need.

:)Lisa

Nicole Benjamin said...

your self portrait in photo and words is so honest and beautiful, the black and white photos with the sunlight shining upon you fits this post so perfectly. warmest wishes to you xoxo

healinghillary said...

love this side of you, my beautiful friend.

onegoldensun said...

I love your self portrait. I can really relate after ten years of birthing, baby wearing, and nursing. My youngest just turned four and I am in a new place, finding unknown territory ahead. Seeking ways to grow and nourish myself in this transition. Wishing inner strength and self-nourishment to you, as well! Thank you for sharing your journey.